Misunderstandings and miscommunication happen to us all the time. We view the comments of others through the lens of our forgetfulness, mistakes, insecurities, pain, confusion, and distractions. We are unwilling to confess or take ownership of failings, so we guess at what is said, which causes us to miss the mark. We need some guardrails around our communication to master it as with our emotions.

The outcome of excellent communication is the enjoyment of God’s blessing in a relationship, especially marriage, such as Love, Joy, Peace, Togetherness, and growth. Lack of excellent communication gives place to the enemy for misunderstanding to develop. The enemy only has (3) goals to Kill, steal and destroy. Communication is an essential skill used to build up our relationships when utilized appropriately. Ineffective communication is aggressive and confrontational; Proverbs 15:1 give the word to the wise “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

The Holy Scriptures instructed us to implement guardrails to secure the critical lifeblood of our relationship, which is communication.

• Be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:9)
• Use gentle and sweet words (Proverbs 15:1)
• Summarize or confirm what you heard in the conversation
• Don’t let your past experiences become your triggers
• Choose to build up and heal (Proverbs 14:1)
• Choose to forgive and not take offense (Hebrews 12:15)
• Continually be growing out of darkness and into His Light (2 Peter 1:5-7)

James 1:19 says, “my dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. We hear with our ears but listen with our eyes. We must give full attention so the other person feels seen and heard, which is half the battle in this fast-paced society. Proverbs warn us that answering before listening is folly and a shame (Proverbs 8:13). So many times, we jump ahead with an answer which causes frustration and erodes confidence. Once we have taken the time to listen and it is time to speak, we must remember that every word we say is a seed that we plant in the other person. There is no way to plant a bitter melon seed and expect to reap sweet watermelons. The seed we plant determines the fruit we reap, either in the garden of our own heart or that of someone else. Proverbs 13:2a says that people enjoy good things from the fruit of the lips.

The words we use direct our lives. Life is a series of memories of lived experiences. When a child looks back over their life, they will declare their parents good or bad by the created memories. Matthew 15:18 says the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart and defile him. Our heart prompts a thought – our thoughts trigger words – after our spoken words are declared, we take action. These actions establish our reality and our memories. This physical world is a temporary, fleeting state. After we think it, speak it, then it’s established, that state of being is over, the moment is gone, and all we are left with is the memory of how we were made to feel.

When we speak to our spouse, keep this analogy in mind, a prominent pastor said, “there is a lion and a lamb in every man.” Our words will nourish our spouse and establish and nurture their lion or that lamb nature. The lion’s heart will bring hostility, strife, anger, bitterness, and resentment, while the lamb brings understanding, peace, joy, gentleness, love, and security. We are cautioned to be slow to anger and since we are our brother’s keeper, let us keep guard not to feed the lion. We must monitor our words and the seed being planted in our family. We need a heart check if our comments are mostly negative with the accompanying attitude. Only one physician specializes in heart transformations, and his name is Jesus Christ. Make an appointment today to get your heart checked and serviced.

Share your thoughts:

• Are you or your spouse active listeners when communicating?
• What guardrail strategy will you be implementing in your relationship?